First I didn't make this post to judge you hunn, I just got this thought in my mind trying to understand things that you're doing and what things may have influence or cause you to do that. THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH, this is just my opinion on you on why you act like that in some certain situation. I repeat I didn't intend to offend you this is just my opinion, if ever I may offend you, I am really sorry, I apologize I didn't intend to this is just my observation and my deduction of the situation.
Let me start and state things;
Firstly, Growing up without a father figure must have been hard and it really affected you, not only on the way you grow up but also on how you perform in such relationships. Having a father by yourside while you grow up I think must cause you to have a very different influence, a different personality perhaps. A different view on things. What father brings on a home is toughness and order and I do agree there are some holes a mother cannot fill up like the father does but give credit to your mother, you are what you are now because of her and I know she tried all she can to fill those holes but there's just such things that only a father can do. Seeing your father leaves you and your family is hard, very hard. But What I think is it implements an idea that everything come and goes, for sure you didn't want him to leave but things happen he has to leave you and there's nothing you can do about it. So there's the idea, so I have come up that you don't want to be the one being leaft behind but instead you will always be the one who'll be the first to leave because you know the pain of being left behind, or having someone so close to you leaves you cause a unexplainable sadness. And yeah, definitely you're completely different growing up with a father. So it must have been a factor. But I got nothing with it, I like what you are now, I am yet to see the whole you there's a lot of things that I haven't seen yet.
Secondly, pardon me for reinstating but you have told me this you really have a bad history or a bad orientation being in a relationship. And I think that's personal for me, so Fuck you to that douche who introduced you what relationship is. oh well back, From there what I think it triggers the "I'm gonna leave" scenario. From that it continues up to now, it strengthens your grip that it's better for you to be the one leaving than the one being left behind. I don't know how those people from your past deals with it, but I do know the feeling that it's very tough once you're in that scenario. I admit at first I didn't know that you have it in you, but once I learned that you're like that I tend to be careful at times extra careful. Past relationships, you break you learn, and you leave.
lastly, I'm not making up your history as an excuse for the real cause of the problem is me. I promised something different at first and something different is what you want and what you like because that's the point of it you've chosen me to have another better than the previous ones. It should be better, I should be its what you expect and not having it is such a disappointment. Not being able to live up to your expectations is something you tend to disappoint, and its much disappointing that Once I have live up your expectations and as time goes by it fades, and those expectations are now just pure expectations because suddenly the one who once always deliver began to fade and just simply lost himself. As I being lost I'm not doing good and of course, you're fair if I'm good then you're good too, but in what happened I'm not. I'm not doing any good, You tend to leave for I can't be my oldself anymore. I'm paying the price of losing myself, for I'm losing the old you too. what we we're back then was so sweet to remember. So this is the situation, I know myself I'm regaining my oldself back, back to what it was. Now I'm just concerned on how to getting you back and making you believe that I'm back to my oldself after being lost in transition.
I love you So much